Thursday, June 12, 2008

You Can't Choose Family

Breda had this to say in her post about family relationships.

"I hate drama, am a bit anti-social, and tend to avoid people once they've hurt me. I may always love them, and will help them when they need me, but that doesn't mean I have to let them walk all over me. And over the years, I've learned that you can't force people care about you as much as you care about them - sometimes you just have to stop trying."

She's just described me to a T. I'm the nicest person in the world if you respect me and treat me like a decent human being. I'm not a man of many (spoken) words, nor am I one to discuss my emotions with others. I'm not one who opens up quickly to others, and I detest drama and childish bickering. When people hurt me I have a tendency to just say "the hell with you," but deep down I still care, and that is where the problem arises. While sometimes this needs to be done, it has often left me with a feeling of emptiness. Not to mention I push people away to guard against opening up and being hurt again, at times even to my own detriment. "Standing up for myself" is seen as "disrespect" and makes certain family relationships that much more difficult.

My own problem has always been "how do I just stop trying / stop caring?" Not so much how do you stop trying to force them to care about you, but how do you stop caring about them when they clearly don't care about you, or at least don't act like it?

Enough with my rambling, incoherent psycho-babble.

Good luck finding peace with the loss of your grandpa squeaky.


Bonnie said...


You both described what I try to do, too, but I have the same problems you do, because it's not in my nature to cut people out, even if they have hurt me. There are some folks I need to just move away from, but unfortunately, they've been around me long enough to know how to manipulate me, so it's really difficult.

breda said...

to both of you - I'm 34 now and have only been able to start doing this in the last year or so. It does take practice to learn how to let go.